jairus

I don’t know how to deal with Christmas. Aside from some great hangouts with great people, the entire thing is just a disaster, and it’s still a better-than-average year. Every time it comes around, I think “well, maybe it’ll be alright this time”, and then it’s just catastrophe after catastrophe.

Usually it’s at least someone else’s fault. Family crisis, funeral, hospitals, cops, whatever. This year it was all me. I spent yesterday evening and today with Audra, and I’m so stressed out about the possibility of having a terrible fucked-up holiday that I have managed to:

• Fuck things up with regards to receiving presents
• Fuck things up with regards to giving presents
• Fuck up her boxing day breakfast making
• Fuck up our boxing day post-breakfast pre-hangout plans
• Fuck up her boxing day post-hangout evening plans

Fuck.

…

A head full of noise and muscles singing like high-voltage wires; all I want for Christmas is to sleep until spring.

[X-Posted from Restraint.]